*dougthebear

Destruction's aftermath

Some 16 days ago I was disturbed whilst relaxing in my hobby. Destruction was the result.

Since then I have not been able to put glue to plastic, have painted just a little, have not focused, have not meditated on plastic.

But it is a little worse than that, I have had trouble relaxing: whilst I have spent little time in an emotionally aroused state (which isn't easy as in the workplace I deal with emotionally aroused people) I haven't spent time in relaxation either.

I had a birthday recently, and whilst I do not celebrate birthdays - lets face it - in these days of modern medicine surviving another year is nothing to celebrate. just something to note - I did not relax on that day either.

I am in that neutral state of happiness and sadness.

Even that painful little shadow of what I call photography has dried up and gone away.

Destruction

It isn't really art, but I enjoy building plastic models - its a hobby, not art.

Anyway, last Friday night, twas late, about 11:20pm, I had enjoyed a couple or four scotches and dry, trying to relax, doing plastic meditation, working on a model that I had invested maybe 5 hours in, cost around $40.00 (two hour salary or so), but which went off the market some years ago:

I had a small piece in my tweezers, glue had been applied, I was focusing, concentrating, would have taken just 5 seconds to put this little piece in place, and another stage of construction would have been complete.

My wife was nearby, in the bathroom, I could hear her urinating, we have been married for about twenty years, and many years ago we had ceased to worry about the privacy issues of pissing, farting and the like.

She came out, into the doorway of my study, my hobby room, calling out about some emergency, suddenly she couldn't see out of her left eye, she said, I doubted this, she is a panic merchant.

I reacted by telling her if it was such an emergency to call an ambulance, I really didn't need to be disturbed, but she kept up, and kept on.

Anger! Violence, not at her - I smashed my fist down onto the model that I had been working on - destroying it.

I only needed five more seconds,,,

Now you are probably thinking that I have an anger problem - maybe I have, but lets put this in context. The Friday night before I was due to go to a work party - I had even paid for it - I wasn't going to sat long, maybe an hour or so, but then mid afternoon my wife started on, over the phone, about me being late home - she had said before that all would be okay - then she destroyed my chance of enjoying myself - I skipped the party and went home.

The Friday before that - another type of nagging that went on all weekend - no weekend relation - yes I have anger issues...

Why?

There are a lot of pix of cats (and dogs etc) on this grate sight, which reflects how we feel about our furkids.

They are wonderful to have around, but I am still trying to figure out why we feel that the, and other furry critters like rabbits, are so precious to us.

Is it because they put us back in contact with some primal need to be with nature? Are they child substitutes (yes, in my case they are), or do they simply reflect an ancestral relationship with creatures other than humans? The gogs that powled just outside the light of the campfire, the cats that kept the vermin down?

I will try to do some photographic studies of the two furry blokes in my life over the next few days.

They are simply magical.

A carry-around

I decided to buy a small point and shoot digital, one that I can carry around at the time. It is interesting as it is my first camera without a viewfinder, just the LCD screen. Obviously it won't have as good a lens as my 'main' camera, but could be fun to use.

A few test shots are in my gallery: these are just to see how the thing performs.

Need warmth

Work has been hard for the last two weeks: every three months or so a 'anel of experts' comes to town, and there is a lot of preparation for them, together with our other clients goes ape-sh1t with stuff for them to consider. It makes for hard work.

I am tired.

Last night my wife went a little crazy - I went for a walk to get awy from it, but the police called n whilst I wasn't there - but all was okay I think. Except the cops clled my falks who live 1000k away and scared the heck of out of them. My stepmother will hate me for that.

This drains creativity of course, in some others it contributes to creativity, but it drains it. Slept on the lounge last night, without blankets in winter, with the warmth that scotch can provide - no wonder such a cold place as Scotland invented scotch! - well a Sydney winter - slept from 1.00am to 5.30pm, work up cold in darkness a little disturbed, then went back to sleep at 6.45am and woke up at 12.30pm.

Its my wifes birthday tomorrow - she will be 57, I am her toyboy...